Anyone else out there having a hard time juggling school and work?? I know I am..
It's literally only a week into the semester and I'm already having a nervous breakdown. It should be illegal for college students to have to have a full time job and go to school. I have a feeling that I'm going to be pulling my hair out by the time I go on break.
I'm so scared that my grades are going to slip. I've made deans list every term since I started and I don't want to lose that, and the chances of that happening are already high because I have no time to focus on anything else.
I'm at work 40 hours a week, I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off to please people who need "another cup of garlic butter, please" and who feel the incessant urge to scream at me for their pizza being burnt when I didn't even make the darned thing!
Sometimes I want to just scream back at them, give them a dose of their own medicine, but physically, I don't have the energy. I'm turning into an old lady. My back hurts, my feet throb, my neck aches, I'm getting sick from the slightest change in weather, and I'm breaking out all over my face with stress.
I'm nineteen years old for crying out loud, I don't want to have to push myself with every drop of energy I can muster to open my eyes in the morning. I don't want to have to get multiple jobs that I hate doing just so that I can make ends meet. I don't want to do this all on my own anymore.
I've supported myself with everything that I needed since I was sixteen years old, I learned from a very young age that if you wanted something, you'd better go out and get it yourself because there isn't a damned person in this world who can give it to you but you.
And frankly I'm so sick of it. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to quit all of my jobs, take my car back to the dealer, cancel my phone lines, sell my laptop, my jewelry, my tv, my animals, and just live under a bridge somewhere. Then maybe I'll feel better and I'll be happier.
But I know that's far-fetched. That's just pathetic. I can hear my mom's voice in my head already just thinking about it. She'd tell me to suck it up, stop with the sob story, and get over it.
She's right though.
Everyone has to work, everyone has to struggle in some way or another, no one has it perfect, even if we all want to believe that. There are lessons to be learned from this little rant.
I know I want to slouch and lay around all day, even if it is just one day out of the year, but that's not an option. I have to get up, put on the Larosa's uniform, paste that fake smile on and make my money. I need to save my money, tuck it away for the days in the future that I'll be able to use it for something other than a bill. I need to keep scraping the bottom so that one day when I've paid my dues, I can bless someone with the chance to take off that uniform and make something of themselves.
It's only by the blood of Jesus that I'm even here right now, so I need to stop this negativity and start thinking of what I do have, which is the actual opportunity to work, the blessing of a roof over my head, the opportunity to go to college, and amazing friends and family who care about me. I will never forget that I am a lot more fortunate than others and I thank God that I've been blessed thus far.
Excuse me, Gran's home cooking is calling my name and my belly is rumbling..
(oh, that's another thing I'm grateful for!)
No comments:
Post a Comment